Week 20, I think...

It's been 3 weeks since surgery.  Got soup, yogurt with a little milk mixed in, things like that.  A word of caution of fellow and future sleevers.  Never put whey protein in something hot or heat it up.  IT doesn't work and the results are not good.  It clumps up and puffs up like teeny tiny popcorn and tastes gross.

I'm going through some emotional loops now.

A feast!

Today I had a holiday feast!  A third of a cup of soup and most of a pudding cup.  Not impressive, but it was nice to eat with the family.  I got to have a little egg nog this morning too.  Merry Christmas!

Full Liquids not-so-easy!

The highly anticipated switch to full liquids, like milk, has been harder than we thought.  Our stomachs aren't taking it so great and we can only have a little at a time, and we have to have clear liquids in between.  You don't wanna know what happens when we don't.  But this is only day 1 of full liquids.  I'm sure it will get easier, right?

Week 19 Review

Well, this was the first week of living with a tiny tummy at home.  It still hurts a bit, but only a dull ache and the occasional sharp pain if we move in a way our new tummies don't like.  All our incisions are closed up.  They're stiff and pink.  I hope they become less noticeable.  I don't really like them.  Been shedding lots of weight.  I'm down 16 lbs since surgery day.  Hubby's down 30.  I'm a little jealous, but he's a guy and he had a lot more to lose.  It shows too.  His face is narrowing and his gorgeous cheekbones show.

It hasn't been fun, being stuck on basically water.  We're both feeling pretty weak all the time, getting tired easily, stuff like that.  Really sick of it, but Tuesday this week is our big day; full liquids!  Protein shakes ahead!

Getting Out

We've been apprehensive to going out together, because we can't eat food.  We missed time out together very much though, so we went looking for places we could just have broth.  To our luck, we found a little Chinese/Japanese bistro that has soups we can eat the broths of.  It's called the Snowpea and we really liked it.  We got strange looks because the broth was all we ordered, but they were courteous.  We gave them a larger tip than what the little bill called for, because they did do the usual amount of work and of course should be paid for it.  We liked it so much that we went again, taking my sister, to test the real food.  She liked it too.

Itch of DOOM!

I know they say if your incisions are itching, that means they're healing, but they can be more than that!  People kept telling me I was healing and not to touch them, and by today they were very red and even painful!  After a little freaking out and calling the doctor, she called us back and told us to put benadryl on it.  Finally, some relief.

Oh, and we're both dying for the next level up on food, opaque liquids!

Week 18 Review

What a long week it's been.  It's still hard to believe my tummy is so small now.  Sticking to liquids has been easier now.  It's boring, but in one week I'll have more options.  The melty pills have been wonderful.  Things still hurt.

A friend came over on Sunday, brightened our boring recovery.  And my dad and sister have helped us every day.

Oh, and the boo boos itch.

Home!

Well, all the papers were signed, tubes and whatnot removed, and they wheelchaired us out to Dad's car.  We move at the speed of an elderly turtle, but we can get up and down stairs.  I'm now relaxing with a nice cup of water and protein powder, which will fill my now tiny stomach.

Thank you all for your love and support.  Now comes the next part of our journey, living with little tummies.

Let me out!

I can't wait to be free of all these tubes.  I hurt a bit, but I'll be fine.  Hubby is feeling worse than me.  He's napping.  I'm antsy!  Just two more hours...

A day in Recovery

Surgery was yesterday and went perfectly.  I was scared, but once they found a vein, it was easy from then on for me. .after I was done, I slept a lot.

Getting off the machines one by one has been rough.  I'm not in my happy place anymore, and things hurt.

But I can breathe, walk, pee, just can't eat yet.

Tada

I!mnout!!!  I did it!!!

The day has come.

I haven't eaten solid food in over 48 hours.  I haven't slept in over 24.  Now, in our PJs, we're getting ready to go to the hospital.  Next time I will post,I will be in the hospital, at the other end of the tunnel.  Wish us luck and check this blog everyday.

Friday's Appointments

Today went okay.  Lots of waiting.  Hubby's final FINAL weigh in was successful.  One less reason to panic.  Then, we find out the hospital stay is gonna cost us 300$ each.  Back to panicking.  More waiting.  Got to talk to a lady at the desk.  They can put off the payment until after Hubby's holiday bonus comes in.  Big sigh of relief there.

Then comes the tests and questions.

We're scared...

Ugh.  I just...  Wow.  It's coming so soon now.  Our whole life has been changing, and now it's going to be permanent.  Goodbye tummy.  It's been fun, but you're not good for me the way things are.

Hubby and I have been working on this since April.  First seeing the Lap-band people, then looking at other options, and finally deciding on the surgeon that our primary care physician recommended.  Then starting that surgeon's plan for preparing for the surgery.  We've had to gain weight, lose weight, change our diets completely.  It's been very hard, craving pastries and pizza.  Hubby without his peanut butter cups anymore.  Having to stick to our protein and veggies while the others at the table can have pasta and toast.  Missing pancakes.  Oh, missing pancakes so much...  So, here's the plan...

Week 16 Review

Had Thanksgiving, and lots of tummy problems, last week.  Some of it is probably stress related.  The rest is probably over-carbs.  I'm scared out of my skull.  One week left...

Went to the doctor's again today.  Despite Thanksgiving, I lost 2 more lbs!  Poor hubby gained a few. :(  Now he's on a strict diet of protein shakes and salad until we go on our liquid diet.  Liquid diet starts Saturday.

I really need a boost though, so I'm going to write a list of things that will get better right here!

Week 15 Review

December 9th is surgery.

I'm scared out of my mind.

That is all.

DECEMBER NINTH!!!!!!!!!!!!

The big day is finally scheduled.  It's December 9th.  In 3 weeks.  Now hubby can relax and it's MY turn to start panicking.   This calls for music.

Week 14 Review

Wow, what a week.  First there was gulping down all that barium, which felt like liquid cement.  Then there was the MOMENT of truth when we went in for our last weigh in and proved that we could lose the weight they asked us to.  We've both lost around 20 lbs.  It has been hard earned, but we made it.  As an added bonus, I'm down a jean size!  My biggest ones were too baggy, so I dared try the next one down, and they fit comfortably!  Yay!  Only drag is STILL no surgery date.

Oops, I almost forgot...

I lost 3.5 lbs since last weigh-in.  Total lost so far is 18.5 lbs!

Hubby lost 9 lbs since the last weigh-in.  Total lost so far is 22 lbs!

WE DID IT!

We lost all the weight we needed to get the surgery.  Hubby and I have proven ourselves!

After all the life changes.  All the diet changes.  All the frustration, fear, anxiety, depression, all of it.  The highs, the lows, well, you guys have been reading this, you know how it's been.  We did it, and we're looking at surgery in December.  Possibly Christmas Eve, maybe sooner.

Barium

Oh my gawd my tummy is full of barium right now.  I had to swallow a bunch of it for a tummy test.  I don't feel good.  BUT, this is one of the last pieces we need.  We also picked up the letters from our primary care physician, also, final pieces to the puzzle.  Tomorrow is the moment of truth.

Week 13 Review

This has been the week of total fear.  I've been freaking out all week over this Wednesday's weigh in.  This is the BIG weigh in, the "You do or don't get surgery" weigh in.  Hubby and I have been so careful this week.  It's paid off.  Though we don't trust our scale's accuracy, we do believe it when it says we weigh a little less.  I know we're not supposed to use food as a reward anymore, but tonight we went out for a little frozen yogurt with some friends.

Tomorrow they're gonna look at chemicals in my tummy.  Will take a while, but be a piece of cake.  Maybe I shouldn't say piece of cake anymore...  Or easy as pie...  I need some new sayings.  Can you think of any?  Please add them to the comments below!

Week 12 Review: Coffee

Hello November!  Kinda impressive we've been doing this since August.

This week has been plagued with fear and emotional tumbles.  Half because Hubby has 3 more lbs to lose.  Half because they told me to go off my birth control for now, so I'm kind of a lunatic.  I haven't been off birth control for...  Since I started it almost a decade ago.

Happy Halloween!

Happy Halloween!

Our First Shakes!

This week we dug out the blender from the storage unit and today we put it to use!  (after cleaning it)  Here's what we used.

1 serving of vanilla yogurt
2 servings or protein powder
2 servings of PB2 (powdered peanut butter)
1 hefty handful of ice

Was too peanut buttery for me, but overall was yummy! :D

EDIT: I forgot to mention the milk!  There was milk in there too, not sure how much though.

Rough Meeting at the Nutritionist

Man, it was another hellfire and brimstone session.  All the good changes we've been making still aren't enough.  Less sugar, more fiber.  Not enough vitamins.  Not enough veggies.  The protein bars we're eating are the wrong ones.  We need to buy stuff online, because stuff in stores isn't good enough.  We brought in MyFitnessPal pages of what we've been eating.  We thought we were doing way better.  I know we'll never be perfect, but damn...

Hubby is VERY discouraged.  I'm worried for him.  We're doing this together, as much as we can manage.  We have 2 more weeks until the final weigh-in, and he has 3 lbs to go...

Week 11 Review

So I'm scared outta my mind.  This is really gonna happen.  Next month.  And, I'm... scared!  Not just scared of the surgery.  I'm scared of our life after.  It will be so strict, so hard.  Other sleevers out there have said it comes naturally eventually, but...  I just don't know.  The doctors say it's so hard, but the sleevers say it's so easy!  I've been making lots of changes these past three months...

Changes I've made:
No soda or juice
Under 100 carbs per day

Surgery Week Schedule

Last night was the big class on the week of surgery.  Scary stuff.

Sunday, I'm gonna be on the toilet all day, on maxa-something and clear liquids.  And hubby will likely insist on the upstairs bathroom, so I'll be in the little downstairs bathroom.  No fun.

Monday, we go to the hospital for more tests.  As if we haven't been through enough.  They're stealin' more of my blood!  Another clear liquids day.  Gotta get some pictures taken of me too.  Gotta pack a bag, and remember chargers.

Hiatal Hernias, Quinoa Rice...

There's some important things I've forgotten to mention, just little tidbits.

I have a hiatal hernia.  That means part of my tummy got stuck on my diaphragm.  Fortunately, Dr, Basa can fix that while she's working on my tummy!  Two for one surgery!

There's a protein based grain called Quinoa.  It's pronounced Keenwah, but I'm letting my family pronounce it any way they want.  I've eaten some of it.  It's funny looking, and doesn't have much flavor.

Week 10 Review

I've lost 5 more pounds!  Wahoo!  Not as fast as before, but getting better.

Just a few more classes.  Just a few more weeks.  Just one more check-in.  I've lost all the weight my doctor asked me to in order to get surgery.  Hubby is 3 pounds away.  This is real.  It's really going to happen.  This time next year, I could be... thin.

We've made more changes. 

Class 2 Cancelled?

Yes, it's sad, but true.  Today's class was postponed.  At least I got my walk in.

I'm getting worried.  I don't know if I've lost all the weight I need to yet.

Week 9 Review

Last week was pretty busy.  Learned a lot.  I've forgotten most of it, but I wrote it down.  The most important thing I learned, of all of the things, is that if I put a little salt and a little lemon in my water, my body absorbs it better and I don't have to pee every hour.  Makes other important things work better too.

Today's Class: Diet 1

Today's class was very different from the group meet yesterday.  It was packed full of facts and important information.  I took lots of notes, which is good, because my memory's pretty bad.  We're gonna need to take a lot of vitamin supplements after surgery.  I was looking forward to taking less pills, but now it looks like I'll be taking more.  We will be eating carbs again after all, but it will be secondary to protein and veggies.  Margarine has evil trans fats, oh no!  There's a lot to absorb.  I'll probably go over all my notes again tomorrow.

After class, hubby and I ventured into a nutritional supplements store, where a guy who looked very healthy pointed out some monster-size containers of protein powder.  Hubby and I got some protein chocolate bars and went home.

Last Night's Support Group Meeting

Last night Hubby and I went to our first support group meeting.  the first part was a big fear factor moment about how our arteries are going to betray and kill us because we're eating the wrong food.

Then we listened to a shpeal on Nuvita, which is they take your money and you use their website?  I wasn't impressed.  Too broke to spend money on what I can get for free.  Thank you internet.  And I'm sure I can get a pedometer cheaply somewhere.

I still wanna go to another support group meeting, so see if it's a little more useful.

Week 8 Review

Sorry this is a day late.  Was very busy celebrating our 2 year wedding anniversary yesterday.  Yay us!  A good friend made sugar-free cake for Hubby's birthday (which was last week) so we got to have cake!  I had more than I should have, but it was amazing.

Today, we're back on track!  Ate a turkey burger (no bun) and some veggies for lunch.  We went to the cardiologist for hubby and he said hubby's heart was just fine.  I'm SO relieved.  Also, Hubby asked me to take nightly walks with him after his work.  I know I should, but I'm a little reluctant to.  Too many obligations.  I might stop walking with Mom and my sister to walk with Hubby instead.  I know it wouldn't hurt to walk both times, but there are other things I do in the evening too.

Pumpkin Bread

There's been pumpkin bread in the kitchen all week.  A nice big loaf, untouched.  And I know in my house, if no one cracks into it, no one will eat it.  And it taunted me, and taunted me, and taunted me!  I make it to Saturday without touching it.  I saw one in the freezer, and I figured that was the one, and I was safe at last.  Then, I turned around.  On the counter, that full loaf of pumpkin bread mocked me.

Week 7 Review

I know I skipped week 6, sorry.  Had some rough patches, had some victories.  Oh!  I'm down a shirt size!  Yay!  My older bras are still a little tight, but I can wear them on the last hook.

After testing the waters with a few members of the family, I finally announced our upcoming surgery to the family on Facebook.  Not one single reply.  Not one.  Zip.  Not one word of support.  YET, they post a dozen comments when someone posts a picture of their pancakes! UGH!

I'm also a little freaked out because the surgeon sent hubby to a cardiologist and we haven't heard the reason why yet.  Just has me more and more convinced that this will save my husband's life.

Victory at Golden Chick!

I'm so happy.  Today I got to eat at Golden Chick (a fried chicken place) with my family.  They have roasted chicken that I can eat instead, AND green beans or a salad!

I totally freaked out when I looked at the drinks though.  I didn't think, and just got a cup, and there's a soda fountain, and I was thinking "Oh crap!" but then I saw unsweetened tea.  Ding!  I can put artificial sweetener in unsweetened tea, and no real sugar is in it!  Victory for me!

Rough Week

I'm sorry I haven't written.  I've been very stressed out.  I have been less strict about my carbs because of it.  I don't know if I've gained any weight back.  I really hope not.  I'm still going for walks.  I'm in the middle of some employment changes.  I hope things get better.

Munchy Morning

I had one of those mornings when I just want to be eating the whole darn morning.  I got rather random too, from carrots to sugar free pudding, to peanuts.  Finally, I was able to slow down.

My punishment?  Stomach ache so bad I had to go to bed and sleep to get rid of it.  My brain really needs to get used to the rules that my tummy has already accepted.

Tonight is pizza night at my house.  I'm gonna eat chicken and veggies instead, and dammit I'm gonna smile while I do it!  Then I'm gonna enjoy my sugar free popsicle and be done!

I hate needles...

Today hubby and I did our EKG tests and a LOT of blood tests.  I was freaked beyond belief and had to put Nyan Cat on my phone and put it up to my eyes and tried my hardest not to tremble.  The nurse who took my blood was very sweet and said I was a rockstar.  For those of you who don't know what Nyan Cat is, here's Nyan Cat!

Week 5 Review, and great news!

9 lbs lost!

Okay, finally got my appointment with the surgeon today.  She was super pleased with our progress.  I lost 9 lbs, and hubby lost 10.  We're on a roll!  She got our psych evals and they were good.  Next is blood tests and stuff like that.  We're doing that tomorrow.  I HATE getting blood taken, but it's for a good reason!

Today, the doctor gave me and my hubby each a binder with lots and lots of information in it, and they had our names on them!  They have pages on nutrition stuff, pre-op stuff, a calendar of seminars, a bunch of things I should probably read. :p

Week 4 Review

I LOST 7 LBS!!!!!!!

Oh yeah, 7lbs in the first month.  I know that's not huge, but it's a morale booster for sure.  Hubby lost 6.  So, all these changes are very rough, but they're doing us some good.  And we see the surgeon again this Thursday.  Got a lot of questions for her.

Th Poptarts betray me!

I caved today, and ate some poptarts.  I see now it was a horrible idea.  This is the second time I've broken the rules and felt terrible after.  When will I learn?  Hopefully soon.  This week's the second appointment.  I only have 2 more months to get good at this.

Theme Songs!

Here's my cluster of songs that cheer me up and help me get through rough spots!

The Big Goodbye, explained

I rushed yesterday's entry because I didn't have a lot of time.  I think that the Big Goodbye needs to be explained in greater detail.  You're welcome to skip this entry if you want, but I think you'll find my experience more useful if you read it.

Now, for many years, going out to the Chinese buffet once a week has been a tradition of my hubby and I.  It meant spending time together, and being free to eat what we wanted.  For me, this meant a tall glass of sweet tea and about 3 plates of sampling almost everything in the buffet, including the desserts.  My last plate was all desserts.  For Hubby, this meant a couple glasses of diet Coke, large servings of wontons, rice, and chicken, averaging at about 3 plates, the last one usually being all white rice with soy sauce.  We did this once a week for YEARS...

Week 3 Review: the Big Goodbye

Most of the week I was really good, less carbs, more calories, more self-control, all that.

Today, for one final day, we went to our favorite Chinese buffet.  One VERY LAST time, we ate everything, until we were ill.  Then we had a little bit more.  I enjoyed every bite.  It was bittersweet.

THEN, afterwards, I got sick as all get out, I mean so sick I was in the restroom for a VERY long time, and I couldn't eat more than a few bites of salad for dinner.  It was horrible.  I will NEVER pig out on food like that ever again.

MyFitnessPal, you bring harsh reality!

So, I've been entering my food and exercise in the MyFitnessPal.com food and exercise journals.  Turns out cutting down carbs is a HECK of a lot harder than I thought.  I thought I was doing good, but dang, carbs are everywhere.  And I can't just not eat.  My calories average around 700 and I'm supposed to be at 1200.  Bad me.

Week 2 Review

It's getting a little easier, but I'm getting tired of salad.  I broke on Saturday again, but instead of two big brownies and ice cream, I only had two little cookies.  My sister busted me this time too.  So I ate a bowl of carrots after to make up for it.  My sister's been so awesome and supportive.  She's not going on the diet herself entirely, but she's making some choices similar to what I'm going through.  I really appreciate my family's support.

Tonight hubby and I went to Logan's Steakhouse, because steak is okay, right?  I actually had a bunless burger with brocolli, and hubby had a salad and a steak.  Hubby did NOT get fries, and I'm very proud of him.

At hubby's suggestion, we joined MyFitnessPal.com today.  I didn't think I'd like it, but I really do!

Things I Want to Wear when I've Lost the Weight

I got this idea from someone else's blog and I tweaked it a bit.

Gothic Lolita Dresses - They're so feminine and pretty, and I just don't feel comfortable wearing them right now.

Picture from here.

64 oz of Soda...

Today my hubby confessed to me that he's been drinking 64 oz of soda each day.  We're supposed to drop soda completely and have that much water!  I was grr, but not too upset.  I know this is hard for him.  And...  I had a little cake.  Clearly these changes are not going to happen overnight.

My sister's been very supportive.  She usually gets me a chocolate treat when she goes to the pharmacy.  Today she got me a flavored water with no carbs.  It was a little bit of a bummer, because I like chocolate, but I was really happy that she was so considerate and got me something that fits in my new diet.  I have to change my thoughts about what's a treat and what isn't.

The Psych Eval

Today was me and my husband's psychiatric evaluation.  I'm really glad the psych let us do it together.  I really think it helped us and her.  We really are a team, my husband and I, and I think we conveyed that very well.  We're both getting the surgery done, hopefully on the same day.  We're making the dietary changes together, encouraging each other to follow the rules, helping each other hold back from temptations, etc.  We really proved that we were ready for it, regardless of the result, so the psych gave the nod and told us that she'd tell the surgeon that we were ready.

We did do really good today.  I got Hubby to eat salad twice today and he stopped me from eating cake.  Together, we can do this.

Week 1 Review

Well, it's been a whole week since that fateful appointment with the surgeon last Monday, and even though I haven't done perfectly, I have managed to make some changes.

• I dropped soda like a rock.  I'm proud of that.
• I got a bottle of water with ounce measurements on it and I'm up to drinking all the water I need to.
• I've cut my carb intake in half, I think.  Burgers without buns, breakfast without toast, things like that.

The obligatory "Before" pictures!

Well, here we go.  This isn't me at my biggest, but close enough.

Major Diet Changes, No Sweets?

So last Monday, I had my first appointment with the doctor I'm going to stick with.  Dr. Nicole Basa.  I made this decision because she seemed very serious about getting me healthier, not the money.  Example, instead of telling me to gain weight like Dr. A did, Dr. Basa told me I had to lose some before I could have surgery.  Dr. A said I can keep eating what I'm eating.  Dr. Basa gave me a strict diet.

Here's the new rules I have to obey:

My Weight's Life Story

Once upon a time, I was an egg.  8 months later, I was born, yay!  5 lbs. I was so cute.

A few years later, I was a kid. I wasn't as big kid yet, but I saw my really big Mom, and a couple really big aunts, and put two and two together. When I grew up, I was going to be fat.

Fast forward to High school. I was at 160 lbs. I thought this was fat. I thought this was my fate, and did my best to accept it. I didn't think I was ugly, because I still had pretty good success dating. I was a resolved and proud BBW. At the time, my younger sister wasn't far behind. I just thought it was something to be accepted. It was in our genes.