February Review

February has been a very difficult month for me.  I'm still losing weight, but my hormones have been an absolute jumble and the dramatic change has made some of my other medications be too much.  Yay for losing weight.  Boo for having a hard time staying sane and awake.  It's been frustrating and upsetting.

I know I should be grateful for becoming thinner, and this is something other people dream of, but that doesn't make it an easy transition.  Oh, I did lose that pound I gained.  Turned out to be no big thing at all.

I still have my thyroid problem, no improvement there.  I'm also starting to feel my acid reflux problem again.  Might just be me freaking out that's causing it.  Might be that I've been adding a few carbs here and there.  Turned out I wasn't having as many as I should.  And I'm still struggling with under-eating.

I'm reviving my dolly blog.  If you're interested, you can find it here: http://jobeesdollies.blogspot.com/

1.5 lbs

I've gained some weight back.  I've been told that this is perfectly normal and happens to everybody.  I've been told not to worry about it and it will go back down.  Weightloss is not a perfect slope, but a natural hill with bumps and divots.

None of that changes the fact that I'm very worried about gaining some weight back.  What did I do wrong?  Am I eating too many carbs?  Do I need more vitamins?  Is it going to continue to get worse?  Did I stretch my stomach?  Am I going to go back to the weight I was?  This has me very freaked out.

Stuff for future-sleevers

Dumping syndrome is something that people say only gastric bypass patients can get, but it can happen to us too.  I had too many sugar-free puddings in a few minutes and experienced it myself.

If you don't follow the rules set by your doctor, nutritionist, surgeon, the professionals who help you; you will gain weight.  I've slacked on the rules a bit, eaten when I wasn't really hungry, had a few carbs, and I've gained a pound back.

Postpartum Depression with my Fat.

Yep, that's what I'm calling it.  I miss being fat.  I know that sounds crazy, but it's true.  I freak out a little every time I pass the bathroom mirror.  I have to stop and look at myself.  It bothers me so much, I've almost cried about it.  I listen to my theme songs to feel better.  Rupaul and Lady Gaga make me feel better.

Not Fat Anymore

I've come to the realization that I'm not fat anymore.  It's a very strange one, because I've been calling myself fat since 6th grade.  I wasn't back then, but I thought I was.  And now, here I am, at 185 lbs, and...  I'm not fat anymore.  I'm pear-shaped, which I like, and I could use some better supporting bras, but for the first time in a very long time, I looked in the mirror and didn't see myself as fat.

Too fast!

I can't break the habit of eating too fast!  Even though it's only a little food, I'll wolf it down, then it will hurt!  It hurts a lot and I'm so scared I'm gonna injure my stomach!  I wish I could stop.  Why can't I stop?  Why can't I just nibble?  WHY?  This is behavior I've known for as long as I've been alive.  It's so hard.  My poor little tummy is really pissed at my hands and my mouth right now.

I can't eat ever again.  I can only nibble.  I have to learn this.